Freshly Dyed Hair, Clean Sheets, and Other Things That Make Life Better

I really need to dye my roots right now. Like, seriously, I've been preoccupied with other stuff for quite some time, and now the situation is bleak.

This silver has seriously reached that awkward stage where it long ago stopped looking like a subtle highlight and started looking like it has full-on opinions of its own. So, every time I look at my reflection these days, I'm rudely reminded that I really need to make a date with that little box of red hair color over there in the corner of my office soon.

Twenty-five-year-old me would have treated something like this like something bordering on a personal emergency. Not only was I still young enough for my appearance and my identity to feel like one and the same then, but I worked in a field that required me to look my very best every single day. And for extra fun, my life was full of superficial people for whom things like that totally mattered.

So, yeah.

Fifty-year-old me has a very different take on things, though.

These days, it's more like I glance in the mirror, mentally add "dye hair some weekend" to the ongoing mental list that also includes watering the tomatoes and catching up on the laundry (again), and then I go back to whatever I was doing.

You'd never know it to look at me right this second, but I technically still enjoy looking nice. I like catching a glimpse of my reflection after I've freshened up my hair or put together a nice, low-key makeup look that feels like me. I like feeling presentable enough on an everyday basis to take a selfie or a video call on the fly if I need to (or want to).

But I've also officially stopped confusing my ability to flawlessly keep up with those little acts of maintenance with my inherent value as a person.

Maintenance Isn't Glamorous (but That's Also Why It's Important)

I feel like today's version of social media has given us two wildly different versions of self-care.

One involves luxury skincare, elaborate morning routines, and enough aromatherapy candles to open a small boutique. The other revolves around optimization, productivity, and squeezing every possible ounce of efficiency out of our collective existence before we've even had a chance to finish breakfast.

Meanwhile, I'm just over here trying to remember whether I actually bought toothpaste the other day or only thought about it.

Real life is a different animal entirely, though, and it runs on maintenance.

It's dying your roots before they become a full-on science experiment. It's finally replacing the burned-out light bulb that's made half the bathroom feel low-key abandoned for weeks. It's washing the makeup brushes you've been pretending still count as clean, and it's sharpening the kitchen knives so chopping vegetables doesn't feel like an upper-body workout anymore.

None of those things are exciting enough to be Insta-worthy or the type of thing that's "good for your brand." But keeping up with them certainly makes life a lot easier and more comfortable from day to day.

5 Small Ways I Think About Self-Maintenance Differently Now

As has been the case with so much about my life as I've aged, improvements in my self-image and overall quality of life are almost always about being more matter-of-fact about things. My evolving approach to self-maintenance is no exception.

1. I'm the one who has to live here

I spend literally all of my time locked inside this flesh prison, and I have zero choice about that. I'm also the primary inhabitant of my own life.

I work in my office every day, and I sleep in my bed every night. I'm stuck managing this mop that grows out of my head every day, whether I feel like it or not. So, if fresh hair color, a tidier workspace, or clean sheets can make those everyday experiences even a little bit more pleasant, I'm on board.

Other people's opinions about my gross-ass roots or my weird office decor never really even enter the chat these days.

2. Problems are easier to solve when they're still small

I've noticed maintenance becomes more intimidating the longer we ignore it. (And yes, "we" basically means "me" in this scenario.)

Barely visible roots quickly turn into multiple inches you have to deal with if you put your next dye job off too long. One cluttered shelf somehow turns into an entire room full of crap to deal with if you slack off on your chores for too long. That squeaky cabinet door eventually sounds like it's auditioning for a haunted house attraction if you don't grab the WD-40 sooner rather than later.

When I get off my lazy ass and take care of those jobs in a timely manner, they're super minor. When I don't? Well, now they're "things" that will take planning and actual discipline to complete.

I'm getting better at staying on top of shit like this than I used to be (especially when it comes to housework). My self-care game, though? Needs improvement.

3. A little fun makes maintenance easier to repeat

I long ago stopped treating maintenance like some punishment for being alive. Instead, I try to make taking care of things as enjoyable as possible for myself.

Music or a comfort movie in the background can help. So can favorite fragrances and good coffee or tea. Sometimes I'll light a nice candle before I sit down to organize paperwork simply because it makes the whole thing feel a little less like paperwork and a little more like something I actually enjoy.

The work still gets done either way. But it feels a hell of a lot better while you're doing it.

4. Everything worth caring for needs regular tending

One of the most useful realizations I've had about getting older has been that almost nothing meaningful is ever permanently "finished."

Hair keeps right on growing, whether that's convenient for you or not. Plants will eventually need watering again. Freshly folded, awesome-smelling laundry eventually finds its way back into the hamper, reeking of someone's armpits or covered with last night's dinner.

There's no such thing as permanent perfection, unfortunately. Life is a constant rhythm of returning, refreshing, and beginning again, like it or not.

5. Your roots aren't a report card

Even though my whole family has probably resigned themselves to having to look at these mile-long roots indefinitely at this point, I still plan to dye my hair.

I still appreciate looking put together and not feeling like a proper slob, just day to day. And I definitely still appreciate those moments when I catch sight of my reflection looking its best for a change and think, "There you are."

But I no longer interpret grey roots, overdue manicures, minor dust accumulation, or the occasional missed haircut (or three) as evidence that I'm somehow failing at being a person who actually deserves things in life.

I've learned to see them as simple reminders that I've been busy living my life instead, because that's exactly what they are.

Future Me Lives There

As I keep saying, I have every intention of dying my hair sometime soon, because it's bothering me like a motherfucker.

But a few weeks later, that grey will get to work on its next appearance, because that's what hair has always done and will continue doing long after I take a dirt nap one day. I'll also have to water the garden again (like, today, though), straighten my office, and eventually wonder how all of my pens always manage to wind up in different rooms.

That's maintenance for you, though — a relationship, not a finish line — and I'm going to be living here a while (body, house, whatever). I might as well make the experience as pleasant as possible.