On Christina Applegate, Nostalgia, and Common Connections

So, I randomly decided to start Christina Applegate's autobiography, You with the Sad Eyes, at some point over the weekend. I've also spent a weird amount of time reading in the middle of the day lately, as work has been really super slow, so I finished it today.

I have thoughts, as one does.

I've always loved to read, but I find I've developed a real soft spot for celebrity autobiographies as I (and they) get older. Especially any written by people I once looked up to or otherwise loved growing up. Christina Applegate was absolutely one of those people for me for lots of reasons.

Like a lot of Gen Xers, I low-key grew up with Married... with Children and Kelly Bundy. I was also just the right age at the time to think Kelly (as portrayed by Christina) was the coolest chick I'd ever seen in my entire life. (I would have been in my tweens to early teens at the time.)

Yes, I thought she was gorgeous, cool, and stylish. But I also thought she was a badass, especially in the earlier seasons of the show before writers apparently just decided to make Kelly really super dumb. Eventually learning that Christina herself was actually super smart, creative, and "take no shit" about so many things off-screen just made me love her more.

Even the way she's handled debilitating health setbacks like a breast cancer diagnosis, a double mastectomy, and an MS diagnosis over the years — with strength and unflinching realism — was something I found profoundly inspiring. Plus, I really love her work and have always considered it a treat to see her pop up in just about anything.

I've looked up to her and followed her career my entire life for those reasons and many more, so of course I had to add her autobiography to my reading list.

Surprised and Yet Not Surprised in the Least

Like most kids just entering their teen years, I saw Christina Applegate's hypothetical life through the rosiest possible set of rose-colored glasses any 13-year-old ever wore. Life was so hard for me for so many reasons. Some of those reasons were things I had in common with other kids my age, and some of them weren't.

I thought that if I were like her — looked like her, moved through the world like her — there's no way I'd have any problems or worries, because sure she didn't. She was beautiful, famous, rich, and liked by just about anyone, so... duh.

Naturally, as someone who's just had her 50th birthday, I know that no one's life is actually like that, regardless of how rich, famous, or popular they might be. But reading You with the Sad Eyes added some context to that understanding that I think has been good for me, especially right now.

Christina Applegate had plenty of problems, including body-image issues, raging imposter syndrome, an upbringing colored by difficult family dynamics, and a string of screwed-up romantic partners who didn't really see her or know how to love her properly. In other words, she and I apparently had a lot of the same problems, oblivious as 13-year-old me would have been to that possibility.

Also like me, she loved to write in her journal and used that as a processing mechanism over the years.

And whether she herself sees it that way or not, she has a real knack for noticing (and accurately recording) the little things in life that can make it still feel worth living, even when everything else sucks. This is also something I can really relate to. Because no natter how hard life ever felt, I've always been able to notice and remember details like pleasant smells, colors, and so forth, and those things have often been what got me through from day to day.

Christina even mentions not really liking to be called by her actual name and preferring a very specific nickname instead. Also like me. (Literally no one who actually knows me, save for my immediate family, actually calls me Shannon.) As a spiritual person who logically knows people have so much more in common than otherwise, I shouldn't be surprised.

But Christina Applegate and I have a lot more in common than I ever would have guessed as a kid.

Sparkling Prose and a Wonderful Read

Christina makes it clear from the beginning of the memoir that she's fresh out of fucks to give as far as worrying about her public image at this point, and that the book is her way of letting people finally see something of the real her. MS seems to have brought a lot of things into perspective for her, especially considering the very likely possibility that it's ended her career (and other huge parts of her life) as she knows it.

I'm in a similar place in my own life, albeit due to a much different set of struggles, so this book was oddly exactly what I needed to read right now.

The writing in this is fantastic and sucks you straight in, right from the beginning. Yes, you learn a lot about Christina as a person and hear a lot of cool stories about different projects she's worked on over the years. But what really kept You with the Sad Eyes on my mind over the last few days of reading were the images she paints with words.

She really does write like someone who discovered a love for writing through journaling as a young person, and it shows in the most wonderful way, especially to this reader who also fell into writing that way.

Nag Champa, Chimes, and a Fire in the Fireplace

At one point, Christina describes happiness as "Nag Champa, chimes, and a fire in the fireplace." Looking back, I think it was my favorite part of the book and certainly the part that stuck with me the most between readings.

Naturally, these are details she associates with the better aspects of her own childhood and the way she always felt safe with her mother, even when all sorts of god-awful things were also going on for both of them. But I really relate to that concept regardless, because that's what youthful optimism and young happiness feel like looking back.

Last week, I wrote about this sort of randomness for my newsletter and discussed where it intersects with both reality and childish idealism. But I also found myself thinking of other details that might make my own short list as I read You, especially living in the same city and home I came of age in. Things like:

• The way I can smell char-broiled burgers and fries from the Burger King down the street when the wind blows just right
• Chickadee calls in the spring
• Hot tea enjoyed alongside toasted buttered bread, a good read, or both
• The feeling of cool pavement under bare feet on a hot day
• Ocean smells, seal calls, or music from the nearby fairgrounds drifting my way on the wind

"Nag Champa, chimes, and a fire in the fireplace" reminded me that, yes, a lot of hard things shaped my time as a teen growing up here and struggling to make sense of challenges that were in no way fair or deserved. But so did a lot of the little positive things.

And if I'm honest, the positive things had better staying power over the years.

Because while I definitely remember the mental health struggles, body dysmorphia issues, occasional suicidal ideation, and intense feelings of isolation that came along with growing up neurodivergent in a world that didn't even acknowledge such things? I remember those things more as something that happened to someone else (or maybe just someone it's hard to remember being).

But the chickadee calls, the smell of fries, and music on the wind still feel like they belong to me somehow. Even on the hard days.

So, on that note, what little childhood details add up to "happiness" to you when you think back on them? I'd also love to hear about anything you've been reading lately that spoke to you or otherwise felt like exactly what you needed at the time you were reading it.