Life, Slightly Out of Order

So, I'm going through one of those periods where everything feels a little suspended, for lack of a better way to put it. I'm also realizing that it's been a while since I posted an actual life update on here, as opposed to just "helpful content," as Google would call it.

I was already in a bit of a holding pattern, as the holidays really haven't felt like the holidays this year for loads of reasons. Life has felt really stagnant in more ways than one, and I've been waiting for something to shift. But then, of course, something does and winds up making life even more chaotic.

I can feel myself approaching a point that would have meant quietly retreating from my creative routines in the past, and it would be really easy to do that now, too. But I’d obviously rather not make a habit of that.

A Few Things at Once

We've had a bit of a family emergency unfolding in the background of our lives lately — the type of thing I guess you can expect when you have elderly parents at home. It hasn’t taken over my whole life or anything, but it's definitely caused a lot of disruption and forced me to completely rearrange my priorities for the foreseeable future.

Anyone who’s lived through that kind of situation knows how it works. Even when you’re doing something else, part of your attention is permanently reassigned.

In addition to the family stuff, there’s also a lot of activity and professional work happening around the house right now. Long overdue projects in progress. People coming and going most days. Extended periods of seasonal rain throwing huge delays into house project work plans for extra fun.

Spaces that usually feel pretty neutral suddenly have opinions, and I'm honestly not here for it.

I haven't been able to work very much. Plus, the fact that a lot of what's going on involves the house means it's about more than just

Work Is Doing Its End-of-Year Thing

Work has slowed down (a lot), as well — something that was already weighing kind of on my mind even before the whole family emergency thing entered the chat.

This happens to at least some extent every year, but that never makes it any easier. December arrives, project offers slow down, and the professional world collectively decides it will resume urgency later. Only these days, you can't help but wonder whether it will ever start back up again.

Years ago, this was the time of year when regulars would take a brief break for the holidays, right after talking turkey about things coming up in the new year. But these days, it's more common for previously good clients to simply disappear without a word or indefinitely "pause" their services.

For that reason, most Januarys lately have found me networking with potential new clients instead of simply continuing with old ones. Sometimes — especially when I have a lot else going on — it feels personal. Like the universe has quietly decided to stop returning my calls.

It doesn't exactly help that my autism brain always tries to turn neutral patterns into ominous narratives. The mind is an excellent storyteller. Accuracy is optional.

None of these things would be especially taxing on its own. But together, they create... like... super-friction or something. Truly not what my holiday season needed this year, when I already wasn't really in the spirit.

What I'm Trying to Do Instead of Overthinking It

Sometimes, when the bigger picture won't fall into place, smaller structures matter more. So right now, I'm trying to keep things simple and consistent rather than ambitious and fragile.

In practical terms, that more or less looks like:

• Staying consistent with my publishing goals, without also demanding absolute brilliance from myself every time
• Letting work be slower without treating it as a verdict, because what choice do I have
• Keeping commitments realistic enough to survive interruption
• Saving energy for what actually needs it

This is clearly not a season for dramatic moves or sweeping declarations. It’s a season for steadiness, whether I like it or not, so I'm trying to simply go with the flow.

At any rate, that's where I'm at these days in my life, on the off chance anyone was wondering why I've been scarce on social media or have seemed absent in general lately. Hopefully, things will smooth themselves out soon.